Saturday, May 13, 2006

How Stupid Is This?

War profiteering apparently bring on stupidity:

Halliburton Solves Global Warming
SurvivaBalls save managers from abrupt climate change
An advanced new technology will keep corporate managers safe even when climate change makes life as we know it impossible. [Speech, photos]

"The SurvivaBall is designed to protect the corporate manager no matter what Mother Nature throws his or her way," said Fred Wolf, a Halliburton representative who spoke today at the Catastrophic Loss conference held at the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Amelia Island, Florida. "This technology is the only rational response to abrupt climate change," he said to an attentive and appreciative audience.



[...]

At today's conference, Wolf and a colleague demonstrated three SurvivaBall mockups, and described how the units will sustainably protect managers from natural or cultural disturbances of any intensity or duration. The devices - looking like huge inflatable orbs - will include sophisticated communications systems, nutrient gathering capacities, onboard medical facilities, and a daunting defense infrastructure to ensure that the corporate mission will not go unfulfilled even when most human life is rendered impossible by catastrophes or the consequent epidemics and armed conflicts.

"It's essentially a gated community for one," said Wolf.


[...]

You just gotta see them pictures. I just wish they had one of them "bubble boys" giving a one finger salute to the rest of us.

(h/t to SandyH)

Update:

According to commentor Anonymous, the actual Halliburton URL does not contain the word "contract" in it. He surmises that the spoofers apparently cribbed several bonafide pages of Halliburtons onto this to make it appear legit. Still, careful perusing through the sidebars and such bring additional joys. So I've been punked I guess. And after minutes of exhaustive research I didn't catch that error. Oh well, at least it wasn't about WMD's. I'm doin a heckuva job.

12 comments:

TeddySanFran said...

Wow, a "gated community for one."

What a wonderful concept for Halliburtonites everywhere!

Thanks for sharing this, ofg.

Lizzy said...

OFG,

Thanks for putting this up here. It is easier to find than trying to scroll through the DNC.

I have to go to my daughter's softball game, so I will view the pictures later.

Peace.

Lizzy said...

blogger is blogged today.

Oilfieldguy said...

Yeah, Lizzie

I was going to tell you I couldn't get over to your site today.

Anonymous said...

Wait, is this for real? Unbelievable... the site looks legit, but what kind of real company pubilshes copy like, "...described how the units will sustainably protect managers from natural or cultural disturbances of any intensity or duration...to ensure that the corporate mission will not go unfulfilled even when most human life is rendered impossible."

If it's a spoof it is super-subtle. If it is real these are some sick f*cks. I am very confused.

Oilfieldguy said...

I am simply not clever enough to determine if this is for real. On the face, one would have to believe that someone is pulling off an elaborate ruse. You can go to the site and wade through all the pages, a huge effort for a "prank." If it is a hoax it is a damn good one. If it is not...the evidence is clear that Halliburton has entirely to much money if their willing to fund such pregnant ideas.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, exactly... it's page after page of sober corporatese, then all of a sudden you're looking at an illustration of a guy in a Kirby suit "draining power" from a deer. Say what?!?

The photos and the diagrams are exceedingly silly. It makes me think of the "Yes Men." I mean, a "Managerial Aggregate"? Come on.

It's quite a find, OFG.

Oilfieldguy said...

Truly, I have never seen anything so stupid in my life.

Anonymous said...

OK, after a moment's googling and such, I'm pretty sure it's a spoof. That site's URL is halliburtoncontracts.com and Halliburton's URL is halliburton.com. Looks like the spoofsters cribbed a lot of the pages from the real site, giving it a confusing thoroughness, but there is no mention of the survivaball on halliburton.com. Well done spoof.

Check out their "Find Solutions" partners on the left sidebar... more funny stuff. From Cargill Corporate:
"Food is important. Without food we perish. Food enables the skin to contain the innards, the innards to crank out their fluids, the body's life signs to pulse. Cargill collaborates with food marketers and others on benefitting from this mysterious, marvellous process."

LOL!

Oilfieldguy said...

Mystery solved. Good job anon. I'll post an update.

Anonymous said...

It was my pleasure. :)

And hey! My spoofy sense was correct... The Yes Men are the fiendish masterminds behind this.

Anonymous said...

It's not only thuggery it is TREASON. They all need to be in jail.