Thursday, May 18, 2006

The French Respond!

Recently, I wrote an email to AT&T asking them about the rumors on the internets about handing over all phone records over to the Federal Government. They kindly responded and I would like to share it with you, along with my translation of what they sent:

Dear Ms. Andrews- 
Not off to a very good start, since I most definitely have two chromosomes, as well as other male physical attributes!

ATT cares about your privacy. We understand your concern and want to
stress that we vigorously protect our customers' privacy.
Unless, of course, it interferes with our sharing of cocktail weenies with those capable of creating multi-tiered internets and stifling such pesky bloggers such as yourself.

It's our policy not to comment on matters involving national security
litigation. However, rest assured that AT&T follows all laws with
respect to requests for assistance from governmental authorities.

Now, I specifically asked them not to include "national security" in their response. I'm an oilfield truck driver fer cyin' out loud. I saw "Matlock" once and I heard them say something about probable cause. And these fucks have the balls to tell me to calm the fuck down because the echo chamber of the Bushco Crime family's consigliere branch nods with approval? We continue...

There has been a lot of speculation in the news media.  The fact is,
AT&T does not allow wiretapping or give customer information to law
enforcement authorities or government agencies without legal
Hmmm, speculation, yeah right. This is all we have since the Runaway Executive has avoided judicial review even more than congressional overlook. He is a fugitive from justice. Also I noticed the "without legal authorization" curiously did not contain the words subpoena or warrant. Maybe they have a permission slip from Torture Memo Abu Gonzales.

We have an obligation to assist law enforcement and other government
agencies responsible for protecting the public welfare, whether it be
an individual or the security interests of the entire nation.
We have an obligation to assist the Republican Party, and all their crony filled branches are protected from dissident Oklahoma truck drivers and all those who would threaten our supply of cocktail weenies, er, I mean, protect us from screaming brown meanies.

We prize the trust our customers place in us. If and when AT&T is asked
by government agencies for help, we do so strictly within the law and
under the most stringent conditions. Beyond that, we can't comment on
matters of national security. This is a national security issue and
needs to be addressed on a national level.
We do appreciate hearing from you and we value your business.

Thank you for contacting us.

Privacy Policy Mailbox Manager

There is only one way that I can read this letter. I mean did you notice what I noticed? There is entirely too much tippytoeing around going on in this statement. I read it as saying, yes, we handed over all calls that you made and all calls that were made to you because the feds showed up and said the magic words, "national security." I mean, they used that phrase like twelve times in this missive. This was by no means a denial. It wasn't even a non-denial denial. They did it. And now, to quote Uncle Junior Soprano, "That fed is so far up my ass I can taste brylcreme."


Lizzy said...

Nice try AT&T.

and thank you MR. Andrews for posting this.

Red Letter Rev said...

I'd have to say that the letter you got came from exactly the same boilerplate that my pug senators use. The only thing missing was the lead-line for the second paragraph that always begins with "As you may know..." and ends with a forthright, unmistakeable, baldfaced lie -- one that can be disproved with about 5 minutes' Googling.

These bastids didn't even expend that much effort. Not only are they complicit in illegal activity, they're too lazy (or scared?) to deny it.

Lawwww, have mercy...

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Lizzy said...


I was just kidding about the flirting.

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