Conservative Values

As his horrified wife looks on, Senator Vitter R-LA admits to infidelity before the cameras. He is perfectly comfortable as his wife is unbelievably humiliated, either by the fact Senator Vitter has been hiring hookers or by the fact that his particular twisted fetish involves hookers changing his diapers.

Senator Vitter is up for re-election this year, and it is unknown whether the Louisiana electorate share in Mrs. Vitter's shock, horror and humiliation so plainly visible on her face.

But that isn't all of the swaddled Senators problems. Another one is Brent Furer, one of the Republican Senator's aides. Seems Brent likes doing cocaine, getting liquored up and driving around, and terrorizing his girlfriend before stabbing her in the face. When he makes bail he goes back to DC where, as part of his portfolio, he works on women's issues.

When the Republican Senators' aide has to go to Louisiana for one of his numerous court appearances, the taxpayer picks up his travel expenses.

Senator David "Diaper" Vitter has drawn a primary opponent, a virtual paragon of nice, conservative family values sort of a guy, retired Republican State Supreme Court Justice Chet Taylor. In a demonstration of family love, Judge "Chester the Molester" has a samsonite marriage (shack-n-pack) with his own son's estranged wife.

Is it really possible to lose to these guys?

In Defense Of Mark Sanford

Republican party leader and degenerate drug addict, Rush "Oxymoron" Limbaugh, defended Governor Sanford's leaving the country and cheating on his wife--Obama made him do it.

"This is almost like, 'I don't give a damn, the country's going to Hell in a handbasket, I just want out of here,'" said Limbaugh. "He had just tried to fight the stimulus money coming to South Carolina. He didn't want any part of it. He lost the battle. He said, 'What the Hell. I mean, I'm -- the federal government's taking over -- what the Hell, I want to enjoy life.'"

"The point is," he added, "there are a lot of people whose spirit is just -- they're fed up, saying to Hell with it, I don't even want to fight this anymore, I just want to get away from it."

So, terrified of being teabagged by a huge Mandingo stimulus package and thereby feeling impotent and self-conscious, the Governor just said "Fuck it," it, presumably being Maria in Argentina.

It's all about the man, keeping you down, Argentina way.

Aye caramba!

Sanford

Another Republican caught screwing someone besides his wife or the American people. Fix News is on the case though, and labeled Governor Sanford as a Democrat.



One wonders how the pallid peoples of the Republican base of South Carolina will cotton to the idea of cross-breeding with a Latina instead of a good hometown American woman. The fact his presser was on hump day is just a coincidence.